True but thats because hes a fetus.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
