I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize