Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What a dumb baby whore.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
