Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
