The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
