I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
