in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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