I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
