dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
