Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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