In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
