but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
