I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
operation harelip BJ is a go
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
