You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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