there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
