I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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