just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
