I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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