Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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