Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
