I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
