hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
