why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
