Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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