i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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