i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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