i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
