i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
