I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
