if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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