rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
