u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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