wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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