why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
