P.S. I can't hear my feet
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
