Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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