i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
