I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
