you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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