Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
