fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone came in the potted fern
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
