good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
