I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
