Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
