We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize