dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Less talking, more tequila
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
