went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
