fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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