It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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