I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the raccoons are back...
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