Do you still have your period?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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