Screwed.edu
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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