The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
