it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
