It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
