My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
handjob tips. give me some.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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