if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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