Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
