It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
