I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
