I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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