I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
