Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
