I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
