Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
