Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
