U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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