dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
In America we eat man semen.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
