Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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