Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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