so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
