Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
