Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
