Say something about gay babies.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
