question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
