never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
