why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize