Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
