The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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