Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
