I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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