I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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