I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
