she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
