I can text with my tongue
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
