it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you made out with another girl for some wings
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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