We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
