Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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