I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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