dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
