that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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