so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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