I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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