I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
