it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
