My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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