I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize