my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
