Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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