i think my mom watched the whole time
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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