i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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